Models are skinny. Ridiculously, unrealistically, atypically skinny. Then they get airbrushed even thinner. Why? Why does the fashion world insist on making clothes for the few people who can actually wear/afford them? Why do they insist on isolating the rest of us when we are the consumer? Why do they ignore the needs of the many for the wants of the few? All we here in the “real world” want is something that looks as cute on us as it does on Miss -1.
Now here’s the thing, Miss -1, I don’t hate or resent you. I understand that you are likely skinny because that is your body type and I pray that you are not skinny because you force yourself to be that way. You may have gotten an extra dip in the good gene pool or know everyone’s name at the gym. I’m happy for you and glad you can find a career in your lithe, long beauty. I appreciate that the fashion industry loves you. I love you. You are, in fact, a beautiful woman and whether good genes or hours in a gym get you there, you are beautiful.
But so am I. And anyone who’s a size 20 or 6 or anything in between. We are all beautiful and it’s about time we all knew it. So here’s some advice for surviving being outside of the “industry standard beauty” box: (Note: some of these are read/heard, some are life experiences)
1. Take a compliment.
Starting off with a toughy. This is something I’ve had to learn how to do and struggled with for a majority of my life. I still struggle with it now, I’m not gonna lie.
For some silly reason, we women feel we must answer a compliment with a negative or completely reject it. Don’t think you do? Listen to yourself next time someone tells you your hair looks great. (Nah, it’s dirty. Really, I’m so bored with it. Oh God, don’t look, I didn’t even blow dry it today!) Yeah, that’s what I thought. So instead of ducking the focus that makes you grin and glow (and therefore look even prettier), instead say, “Thank you!” That’s it. Don’t let another word cross your lips unless you are asked a follow-up question. And that answer better not have any negative connotations either. Once you can take a compliment gracefully, try giving a compliment back, then you’ll feel twice as good. (But only if you mean it, so don’t make something up).
I understand, taking a compliment is like breaking a bad habit. You can do it, it just takes concentration. I used to chew my nails constantly, then one day I decided I wanted nice, long nails and I stopped myself every time I stuck my finger in my mouth. Consciousness is all it takes and you could be enjoying compliments in a matter of weeks. It will take some work because slinking away from a compliment is more ingrained in us than some bad habits. The nail biting thing took me maybe a few months to really stop. (They say three weeks makes something a habit, or non-habit) But taking a compliment, enjoying it and simply saying “Thanks!” has taken me YEARS and is still, and probably always will be, a work in progress.
2. Pick something you like. Anything.
This makes me sound like a black market dealer peddling my wares by opening up my trench coat and revealing stolen watches, but you’ll remember it. Everyone has at least one feature they like about themselves. And I mean a feature, not your great sense of humor, but an actual part of your body that you like. For me, its my extremely coveted, wavy, full, thick hair. And my clavicle. And my phenomenal badonkadonk. And… It can snowball from there.
Now that you have all these great things picked out about yourself—focus. Those are the things that you should obsess over. Those are the things you should love about yourself. And if your husband / boyfriend / lover / partner / friend / parent / sibling / etc. points something out, add that to your list. Even if you disagree. Don’t concentrate on what isn’t perfect, don’t wish you had someone else’s _______________. Appreciate what you have because I guarantee you someone out there wants something of yours.
3. Never compare.
As a person who fits clothes to bodies, I know that there are a million different body types. So when you say “I wish my hips were as tiny as Calista Flockhart’s” and you have a set of size 8 child-bearers, I’m telling you, no amount of time in the gym will make you look like her. You aren’t built the same as her, so there’s no way you are going to be that tiny. Now, Beyonce would be a better goal. Not that you should compare yourself with her, but that you should find motivation in her curvy but toned and healthy figure.
Instead of wistfully wishing and starving yourself for a literally impossible goal, instead figure out what your body type is, find a celebrity whose built similarly and use that as a motivator, not a punishment.
4. Surround yourself with affirmation.
Everyone has hung out with that person who likes to point out everyone’s flaws but their own. The guy who nonchalantly mentions he likes huge breasts and tiny waists. The girl who says “you know, that cheese will go straight to your ass.” You put down the cube only to stuff it in your mouth when she looks away or buy a whole block of cheddar and eat it in one sitting. I’m kinda kidding, but mostly about the block of cheese. I mean, I’d probably just put the cubes in my purse for later…
That girl or guy exists in your life and you continue to allow them to talk to you like that. You have only one of three options here:
A) Tell the person they are hurting you with their comments and ask them to stop (if this doesn’t work, try another option below)
B) Slowly “lose touch” with the person. This is especially good for a move, marriage, new job, dog, kid or other big change in your life or for someone who is a recent acquaintance.
C) Tell the person off and purge them from your life. Fly off the handle and stuff the cheese cubes in your mouth in front of her and tell her she’s not all that perfect. Point out her straw-like hair and they way her mouth snarls when she’s being mean. Tell that guy big boobs are usually veiny and have weird looking nipples. Stomp around and tell that person they will be deleted from your life, your phone and, gasp, your Facebook! Then leave dramatically to a thunderous round of applause.
Ok, B and C are sissy options and more of a possible second option if A doesn’t work. But the point is clear, MAKE IT STOP, and only spend time with someone who positively affirms you. Your actions, your humor and, oh yeah, your beauty. And by the way, be the positive affirmation for them and others. People will want you around more. P.S. If you suddenly find yourself being left behind, maybe do some personality re-assessing.
5. Confidence.
After you do all these good things for your health and psyche, own it. Know that your eyes are a beautiful, piercing blue, know that your skin is super soft and kissable, know that you’ve lost 20 pounds and you have on a new pair of jeans. Confidence is the only thing that looks good on everyone and is what separates happy and healthy from miserable. You are beautiful, now own it!
Ok, I didn’t say it would be easy, I just said it would help you survive. Look, I can give advice all day long and act like I live it all the time. I’m going to be honest, I don’t. I lapse and so will you. But if you make these things part of your attitude and your life, I promise you’ll start having more good days.
Hello Readers,
I know I have been away for a while and there are all kinds of reasons for it: work, losing someone, lack of time, lack of inspiration, etc. Basically, life has taken over and I was not able to post as much as I had originally intended. But I’m back on the wagon and hoping to kick back into gear.
Even though I have been away, I have not been completely lazy. I have gone to a few classes and Paul and I are trying the “Special K Challenge” without Special K. All in all, I’ve actually lost 10 pounds!!! YAY!
With that knowledge in my brain, I have a new surge of motivation and fortunately, I’ll be able to do a few workouts next week and really get some work done. I don’t have a big, motivated blog about my difficulties, but I wanted to share my weight loss excitement.
My biggest hope is that if you read this and are in the middle of a slump, that you realize that you will come out of it and even if you are making a small attempt, it will eventually pay off.
Sometimes all you can do is a little bit, but that’s always better than nothing.
My darling cousin-in-law, the spark of my inspiration for my weight loss and this blog, wrote a blog for me (also others, but mostly me) You should check it out, she’s a wordsmith and has a degree in making them go together in a lovely and hauntingly descriptive way. In reply and an effort move forward in my slow progress, I am writing myself a letter of commitment in the spirit of Melanie.
Dear Vicky,
You’re not a failure, don’t think that despite how guilty and disgusting you may feel. You’ve hit a wall and you’re frustrated, hormonal, etc, but you are not a failure. You are trying, you’re just not trying hard enough. You have all the elements in place, you just aren’t utilizing them to their fullest extent. You’re letting yourself slip because you are disappointed in your lack of progress, but you will be far more disappointed if you continue down this slippery slope.
You are fat, and even though you loathe yourself for saying it all the time, its something you need to remember. You aren’t healthy, you’re getting there, but you aren’t there yet. You are weak when it comes to temptation, sweet or otherwise and you need to be stronger. There is no one to blame but yourself for giving into the options that are put in front of you.
You should have just gotten the salad. Get the salad next time. One day you can get something else, but for right now, just order the damn salad and enjoy it. It’s tasty, you like veggies, so EAT IT!
By the way, I don’t hate you, I’m just getting real with you. Don’t worry, you have people who love you and support you and want good things for you. But they also love you even though you’re unhappy with yourself. Strive to get to where they are and you will lose the weight of unhappiness which probably feels really heavy right now. Success is measured in health and confidence, not by your good friend The Scale.
Now comes the commitment.
I, Vicky Anton, promise to try harder, exercise more, eat better and not give in when the Sweet Fang strikes every time. I will not let myself be lured by the Trio of Guilt into a clever trap. Instead, I will think two steps ahead and count, manage, work, fight, resist and push myself into a better body and health and away from bad habits.
I am strong, I am brave and the Trio of Guilt’s traps are never worth the bait they set. Don’t fall for the bait, don’t, don’t, don’t. To quote Melanie, “It’s not worth it.”
Strength. Beauty. Health. (Repeat as needed) Never give up, never give in.
I Solemnly Swear,
Me
Mmm…… Temptation, you are so sweet. Or salty. Or crunchy. Or cheesy. But mostly and almost always sweet. You have been coming to me in many forms. I have given in and resisted at different times. (Should have resisted a little more) I have my reasoning, aka weakness, and now it’s too late. I have given into you. The Sweet Fang strikes again and with the help of hormones, I am unable to resist.
What a deadly trio. If Sweet Fang, Temptation and Hormones were a diabolical team of irresistible Super Villains, they would be undefeated. And called the Trio of Guilt. Batman, Superman, Spiderman, The Hulk, The Green Latern, Wonder Woman, Vicky Anton, no one would win against this trifecta of evil. They would be unstoppable, bringing even the strongest of heroes to their knees. Because even Superman wants a bite of cake every now and then. Geez. How are mere mortals supposed to fight against these impossibly strong forces?
Willpower, Accountability, Determination. Are these forces stronger than those of the Trio of Guilt? They can be, through their combination. Although they have their forms of Kryptonite, if these three things work together and form the Forces of Success, there is still hope. Hope for Wonder Woman and hope for me to one day dress up like Wonder Woman.
Willpower! Accountability! Determination! With your powers combined I have The Forces of Success! (Reference anyone?) And I will defeat that guilt-inducing, fat-encouraging Trio of Guilt!
I lost. The hubby lost two pounds, I didn’t budge. There goes $10, which sucks because I lost it, but is good because it’s more money toward the splurge fund. So it’s good, but it also stings. It’s good, but I’m a little disappointed in myself. Now I just have to make an adjustment in diet and workout and I’ll get him next time. In two weeks, Mr. Anton, you won’t know what hit you!
It’s Anton vs. Anton in a fight to lose!
In a fit of genius that makes me love him all the more, my darling husband made a casual wager with me last night. He wants to work on getting back in shape as well and he needs some accountability, but he didn’t think starting a blog would be a good route for him. ”I don’t write like you,” he says…melt my heart a little why don’t you? So he suggests we make a standing bet. We weigh in every two weeks and whomever has lost more weight wins and the loser has to contribute $20 to our splurge savings. Genius, right?
Accountability to each other and a spark of competitive nature to kick us into high gear. He knows I like to win. So does he, so this should be interesting (and sneakily healthy). I lament that men lose weight faster than women and he replies that my motivation already has me at an advantage. Then he concedes that if it starts to seem a little one-sided, we’ll measure some other way. There are parameters: If we don’t budge, we both put in $10, if we both gain, whomever gains less is the winner. Yeah, we’ve got this on major lock down.
So….. It. Is. On. We weighed in today and Friday is our first official “Weight-Off.” This time its only $10, since we’ll only have a week. This is awesome. Not only do I have to report to you, dear readers, I have to kick my hubby’s ass.
May the best Anton win!
I just want to make a little note about the ONE Zumba class I did attend this week. I’m sure after my “Ode to Scarlett” (http://sweetfang.tumblr.com/post/8456279561/ode-to-scarlett) I probably seem like I’m whiny about not being able to Zumba with her. Although I do miss her and always think WWSD, I am getting happier with the class I am in. Sean is a energetic, really fit GUY who leads Zumba with a grin and great moves. The class I had this week was a great workout and I’m finally starting to make some buddies at Zumba. I made a comment about one of the girls who’s usually there being absent (she happens to be a dancer, I can tell, so naturally I called her “Dancer Girl”) and a few of the ladies around me and I chuckled about how we are definitely not dancers, but we love the class. Then, halfway through the workout, one of the ladies behind me went balls to the wall and moved up to the front, from just behind me to just in front of me (I stick to the left, second row—away from the laughers I’ve mentioned previously). And afterward, I told a lady in front of me she could move, to which she joked “Thanks, its only taken me 52 years…” Then Ballsy and 52 Lady and I all complimented each other on how brave we were and how great we move. Ballsy said she was amazed at how I shake my booty and that I have a “Gumby waist” which made me grin for the rest of the night. I have this fantasy that they will wonder where I was all week when I go back. Probably not, but maybe after a few more weeks and some bonding through “Gumby waists” and brave moves to the front, we’ll be good buddies. I’ll start by introducing myself and asking them their names next week. After a while, 52 Lady and Ballsy aren’t going to cut it. I can’t wait to go back!
I had a bad week. Between doctor’s visits, work and, well, life—I have only been to the gym once this week. I have also failed to eat as well as I have been. Normally, I would let this be a sign of my failure and fall back into bad habits. Normally, I would just say forget it, I can’t do this and let it go. This is the pattern that has stopped me from succeeding in the past. This was my downfall.
But no more. I have the power and I will succeed. I will not let this one week of the inconvenience of life’s duties stop me from changing my life and my health. I WILL go back to the gym next week as often as I can, I WILL make better efforts to eat properly, I WILL NOT fall into a rut again, no matter how tired I am and how soft and fluffy the rut may look. Damn you, rut, you taste so good and I’m not sore afterwards.
Because I like it and it reminds me of all the nastiness inside me that I need to get out, I’m going to post a pic again:
I know, SO gross, right!
Coffee cup reference this time. There are tons of these if you type in “one pound of fat” into Google and hit “Images.” Thank me later, cause you will be so proud if you are working on losing weight.
I will lose a few of those this week, I will lose a few of those this week, I will, I will, I will, I will…………………
